Revelations
by Okamizen
Summary: The expanded rewritten version of My revelations on shot. Shinji is left alone after the scene on the beach and spirals slowly into the hell his mind has prepared for him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or The Characters featured therein this is purely non profit and done to help work out some of my own madness.

Shinji awoke to the feeling of his fingers enclosing flesh. Tightening his grip without thinking his mind filled with images of the last time he had felt this way. It had been in That Place, Instrumentality Where there had been no boundaries or self where his sick mind and all of his shame had been displayed openly for everyone to see there had been nowhere to hide and when he'd asked for help and comfort from the one person he cared for above all else she had rejected him, and he had broken succumbing to the anger that had overcome him. He stopped his train of thought derailing suddenly as he felt something warm brush against his cheek. Looking down for the first time his eyesight blurred from the outpouring of tears he hadn't noticed starting. He caught a glimpse of flowing red and bright vibrant blue when suddenly the hand jerked backward as if it had been burnt and there was a soft liquid pop and he fell to the sand in a puddle of orange liquid the smell of blood covering him his hands clutched the sand desperately as he curled in on himself shaking and screaming for he knew he was utterly alone.

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He had no idea how long he had laid there his grief, remorse and despair pouring out onto the sand. For him it had been a timeless period of nothing except soul shattering grief and a few periods of tormented unconsciousness. Eventually though his bodily demands fought through the fog of pain that his shattered psyche was releasing to make it's desires known. Standing weakly he stumbled backwards nearly falling as he caught sight of the horrific corpses of the MP Evas. Their frighteningly happy faces twisted out leering across the massive sea of LCL, Sadistic watch dogs guarding the gates of hell. Shinji closed his eyes fighting off the panic as the memories fought to resurface and pull him down again, The memories of her screams and his helplessness... he shook his head violently feeling his stiff neck crack painfully under the sudden movement. As he opened the eyes his gaze locked with the stare of an enormous crimson eye peeking over the horizon. "Rei..." She had given him all that she could, despite the fact he had abandoned her twice, once during the 16th and then again in fear after she had been brought back and probably needed his help more then ever. Somehow she had forgiven him and even tried to grant him his desired world but he had not been strong enough to make the right choice then and maybe couldn't even have made it now. Perhaps it would have been better if she had been able to make the choice herself or given it to someone else anyone but him, yet it hadn't turned out that way the choice had been his and he had damned all of humanity to nothingness. Squinting against the tears that threatened to resurface he turned away from the gruesome sights and began the slow walk of a broken old man towards what remained of civilization.

A/N This is the opening for the redone revelations i will be writing a second chapter soon™ if i'm a little slow please forgive me the next chapter is featuring Asuka's PoV and she is one of the hardest characters for me to write. Please Read and Review I know it's short but the chapters will get longer i promise this was just an opening! don't lynch me yet!


	2. Chapter 2

Shinji walked carefully along the highway heading in the general direction of Tokyo 3. He planned to search the outskirts of the city for supplies. He planned to stay on the beach the city had too many memories for him and perhaps some part of him hoped or believed that other people might still return despite his surface acceptance that his fate was to be alone until his life was over. Skirting carefully along the edges of a crash where some of the vehicles must have veered into each other after their drivers had been taken by instrumentality. He looked at the road signs hoping to see an exit that might have what he needed. He did not have much luck but after about 15 exhausting miles he finally found an advertisement for a well known sporting goods store at the next exit that would have camping supplies. Walking towards the turn off he carefully climbed over and upturned JSSDF vehicle which made him shudderas he remember what they had done to the employees of Nerv and Misato in particular, as her last few moments burned behind his eyes he grimaced. It was yet another life that he had wasted through his cowardice. He could never face a penance great enough to atone for the sins he had committed.  
>The sun glinting off something on the ground near the Humvee caught his eyes and drew his mind away from his grief for a moment. Kneeling down to examine it he found a matte black service pistol, besides the color it was nearly the same as the one misato had used when she'd given her life to save his miserable skin. Reaching out he picked it up gently shocked by how cold and heavy it seemed. Turning it over in his hands absently his mind again replayed all the sights and sounds from the JSSDF assault on Nerv HQ. His anger welled up and he released a wordless scream of rage. If there had been anyone left on earth to hear it the similarity to Unit 01's Berserk roars would have sent a chill rushing through their blood. Shinji raised the pistol the outline of his vision tinged with red as he unleashed a volley of shots into the JSSDF logo on the hummer. Gasping for breath his throat burned from the intensity of the scream as he attempted to banish the overwhelming anger that consumed lowered the pistol nearly dropping it as his hands shook violently. His emotions slowly coming back under control he turned and ran as hard as he could away from the Vehicle, his hurry to flee from his fit of insanity blinding him to the broken chunk of concrete that lay in his path. As he hit it he threw out his right hand to break his fall but his wrist got hung up on an exposed piece of rebar and he twisted to the side hearing a sickening snap. Screaming in pain he jerked his arm back tearing it open on the rough edge of concrete leaving a deep gash. After he finally managed to free his arm the pain from his injuries overtook the adrenaline in his system and he collapsed fading into blessed unconsciousness.<p>

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Asuka Gasped for air her throat burning in agony. Her eyes opened the light blinding her momentarily as Panic surged through her. Staring up she saw Shinji Kneeling over her his eyes Dead and unseeing lost in his own mind. Pain she didn't understand tore her soul open. _He_ was going to kill her again. She felt the familiar surge of anger that he always brought forth but seeing his deadened expression it quelled and disappeared. She reached up slowly, for what purpose she didn't know then or later. Perhaps she had meant to hit him or even grab his throat in retaliation but somehow she ended up caressing his cheek gently. The warmth of his skin evoked feelings that terrified her so badly that she hardly noticed that his grip had loosened. She felt a powerful need to flee from the feelings that were battering at her defenses, defenses she had spent years building into an impenetrable field around her heart. There was only one option open to her for escape and she took it without consideration. Once again she felt the disturbing sensation of her soul being sucked out of her dissolving flesh and she saw the swirling mass of humanity in the sky momentarily before she was pulled into its depths once more. As she was being pulled back into the swirling mass of thoughts and realities that constituted Instrumentality, One thought burned brightly in her mind. "Kimochi Warui" "I feel sick"

A/N Didn't turn out as long as i thought it might but i wanted to stop it here so i wouldn't rush into the next part too soon. Once again Review and tell me what you think of it. Things are going to be slightly different from the One Shot obviously and I'm not positive where i want the ending to go so there is hope for a less depressing ending but not too much. and yeah i am aware i don't have much to say in the Author's Notes but hey I don't think while I'm writing so I'm never really sure what to put here not that most people read this section anyway. I maye just skip it in the future. It might seem slightly rushed but i never intended this to be a long story just a short one that became a little too complicated for a one shot. I have ideas for a sequel that will be considerably longer if i go through with it.


	3. Chapter 3

On hiatus till i settle in after moving and i find a job. sorry guys can't afford to work on it right now.


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